seriously

i am two bad days away from a mental fucking break down.

I feel guilty for doing things I've always done. That I've always said I would do- no matter who thought what about it.

I've always thought it brought me closer to God... but you.. You take me to heights I have never been before.
I've always said it helps me be open... but you... You bring out this side of me that no one- not even myself has ever known.
I've always used the excuse that it makes me creative... but you.. You are the true muse. The true truth.

So this is what it's like to grow up.
This is what it's like to really love and be loved.

...I am in awe of this and you and of myself.






I can't even believe I am about to click "publish post".

It's a hot mess but it's still beautiful

These days, I am still conjuring up conspiracy theories. Example: Some chemical in perfumes and health care products subdue us like the lithium/fluoride that has taint our tap water with and that's why the millions of people in the world aren't standing up for a revolution.

But these days, I have realized I make up conspiracy theories so my hope in humanity isn't completely abolished. So my views of Love are not disturbed. I've also realized my surroundings really do effect my thoughts, my imagination, my spirit.

These days, I am grateful that I have grown as a human being instead of focusing on those things I haven't accepted about myself and others, I focus on how everyone I know is growing and they all have positive attributes.

These days, I know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. And I am striving, reaching for that healthiness instead of getting by on getting by.

These days, I acknowledge myself. I hold myself AND OTHERS accountable. Regardless of how much or how little I care.

These days, I take time for myself even if it classifies me as "selfish" or "heartless".

These days, I've made up my mind that I am tired of being sad. That I deserve to be happy and safe just like every other person in this world deserves it. And that I want to make people I meet smile more than frown.

Although these days, they might be some of my hardest- I am thrilled for what the future holds.

That's why these days are spent moment by moment. Blessing by blessing. Love by love.

And to me, these days are an amazing, under rated gift.






... I want to remember this forever.