A very merry unbirthday to you.

Who was it that said, " If it can go wrong- it will."? Cause, I'd like to, you know, thank him for writing my memoirs and all.

I see you there. I know what you're doing. I know that you know that you still have some voodoo hex hold on my heart and you are content with twisting it any way that you deem feasible.

And yet it's still baffling to me that when you need me, I am always here, regardless. No judgments, no avoidance.

But it seems this vent is only a one way tunnel and you are the wind.... Every time I need someone, anytime I need you... all I get is static. [ Am I your fence post? Am I your dealer? Am I even your friend?]

Just realize that I see you there, I know what you're doing. But I can't stop.... even if I wanted to...

Love is a black hole birthing a universe....

Vanilla Diva

I'm selfish in the most literal way possible: I'm addicted to being alone, to myself. I don't want to share my energies. I'm a self-addict.

I am the Egged Man...

All my life I've wondered. All my years I have searched and clawed my way to the surface of that called DNA.

And now that I know that I am IN FACT the best outcome, I feel a little cheated and a lot empty. I feel as though I've gotten the crazy end of everything. And the Addicts' keen sense of self awareness.

"Watch out for those white vehicles...don't trust anyone. You're in grave danger... "
like I don't already know that.

You're all out to fill that void without me... while my void is all out waiting on you to notice that I really am in grave danger. Danger from you. From her... but most of all from myself.

Fate is best served cold, just like my mother as Revenge is plotting and hiding his face like my dad.

I am a virus. coo- coo- achoo.

A brain named Goo

Twenty four hours is excruciating when sanding down the hours.
Lacquering the minutes.
Repeat seven hundred and fifty times to get that right shade of fake wood.
...And you're in the fucking dark.

Forty two hours is nothing when posed with the threat of money and power.
Using your magnifying glass to spy on the hidden riches, you have a Adolf Hitler stink about you.
And coin by coin by coin by coin, you sift like flour. Melodically.

I look up briefly as if to say, "Ha. Joke's on me, foul mooded Deity." I am secretly impressed by his sarcastic silence.

A cloud draws a line in the sky and I alone stand on the Right.
...While those two are busy trying to snort it...

AK©

Journal Entries...

I am a walking, breathing contradiction.
What I need, I give away and what I want doesn't want me back...

I say one thing yet mean another.

I sometimes wonder if there's such a thing as too much honesty with yourself.
...I am always crossing the line.

Certainty is 80% vicodin and 20% THC.- 2/27/10
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The first day of spring here at Sphincter Ranch brought 4inches of snow and 50pounds of family bullshit. ... Thank the heavens for downers. - 3/22/10
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I do NOT need anyone to define who I am. I don't need all that extra. ... We always want what is the worst for us. - 3/28/10
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"We create our own hell"- I'm eating those fucking words now. - 3/2/10
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Why "be good" when being "bad" has more incentives? - 4/12/10
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Addiction is like a hundred year old Oak tree. The roots run deep and there's no getting to the bottom. - 4/22/10
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To me, relationships in romantic nature are over-rated. But the single life? Oh.that's easy. That's like having all the green properties in Monopoly. - 4/30/10
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I just read a quote spoken by some world renown love guru. He said, "There is no happy ending to an unhappy journey."- It stung me like a raging wasp in multiple locations. - 5/15/10
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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." - 5/17/10
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Instead of sitting here night after night (wasting away these precious "Do Not Disturb" hours) wishing there was someone I could look at the stars with. I realized tonight that I could have been out there looking at them by myself... I haven't done it yet but the notion is comforting... - 5/31/10