wtfhiNd?

Surely there's better ways to waste your time.
But people don't want to be involved with anything positive.
No one but the hungry is ever rubbernecking over charity.

Everything I ever want to say sounds so trivial.
So... played out. So rehearsed. So recycled
Everything I ever want to do- doesn't get done.
Due tomorrow = do tomorrow. And tomorrow never comes.

We really are just fooling ourselves, aren't we? Human Species are the superior race.
Yea, at the Special Olympics of the Galaxy. Heh.

The illusion of love was created by Hollywood. And the illusion of freedom was created by government.So the illusion of happiness, it comes by default. It's our way of brainwashing ourselves.

Surely, there's better ways for me to waste my time but I can't think of any.

What the fuck have I done?
Better yet, what the fuck have I NOT done?

...It's the things you don't do that kill you.

Acoustic

"I know something has kept me here to long and you can't leave me if I'm already gone."

My life as I know it, a dream within a dream within a night terror.
What I lack in motivation and positivity I make up in doubt and regret.

I am no longer a child but you could never tell that to my heart...
This wall around me is crumbling, Gods will is powerful.

... And for the first time in a long time... my prayers are not for myself...

I wish I had the talent to love myself like I secretly love others.
I hope that one day I wont have to be so secret. So closed off to those that deserve to know me.

The real me.

I am creating her day by day. Moment by moment.
And still the 11 year old me is ashamed.
Still my heart is guarded by electric barbed wire.
I keep my inner most wants and thoughts and fears in it, still.

I should ask myself the same questions I ask the man that I consider my father...
"Do you not think you deserve to be happy?"
"Exactly what is it going to take?"

Excuse number 1- Sadness and loneliness just runs through my DNA
Excuse number 2- If God didn't want me this way he wouldn't have created me this way
Excuse number 3- I only want to rely on myself.

... this wall is crumbling and the electric just went out. And I'm pretty sure those are chain cutters on the floor there...

AK©

A very merry unbirthday to you.

Who was it that said, " If it can go wrong- it will."? Cause, I'd like to, you know, thank him for writing my memoirs and all.

I see you there. I know what you're doing. I know that you know that you still have some voodoo hex hold on my heart and you are content with twisting it any way that you deem feasible.

And yet it's still baffling to me that when you need me, I am always here, regardless. No judgments, no avoidance.

But it seems this vent is only a one way tunnel and you are the wind.... Every time I need someone, anytime I need you... all I get is static. [ Am I your fence post? Am I your dealer? Am I even your friend?]

Just realize that I see you there, I know what you're doing. But I can't stop.... even if I wanted to...

Love is a black hole birthing a universe....

Vanilla Diva

I'm selfish in the most literal way possible: I'm addicted to being alone, to myself. I don't want to share my energies. I'm a self-addict.

I am the Egged Man...

All my life I've wondered. All my years I have searched and clawed my way to the surface of that called DNA.

And now that I know that I am IN FACT the best outcome, I feel a little cheated and a lot empty. I feel as though I've gotten the crazy end of everything. And the Addicts' keen sense of self awareness.

"Watch out for those white vehicles...don't trust anyone. You're in grave danger... "
like I don't already know that.

You're all out to fill that void without me... while my void is all out waiting on you to notice that I really am in grave danger. Danger from you. From her... but most of all from myself.

Fate is best served cold, just like my mother as Revenge is plotting and hiding his face like my dad.

I am a virus. coo- coo- achoo.

A brain named Goo

Twenty four hours is excruciating when sanding down the hours.
Lacquering the minutes.
Repeat seven hundred and fifty times to get that right shade of fake wood.
...And you're in the fucking dark.

Forty two hours is nothing when posed with the threat of money and power.
Using your magnifying glass to spy on the hidden riches, you have a Adolf Hitler stink about you.
And coin by coin by coin by coin, you sift like flour. Melodically.

I look up briefly as if to say, "Ha. Joke's on me, foul mooded Deity." I am secretly impressed by his sarcastic silence.

A cloud draws a line in the sky and I alone stand on the Right.
...While those two are busy trying to snort it...

AK©