Acoustic

"I know something has kept me here to long and you can't leave me if I'm already gone."

My life as I know it, a dream within a dream within a night terror.
What I lack in motivation and positivity I make up in doubt and regret.

I am no longer a child but you could never tell that to my heart...
This wall around me is crumbling, Gods will is powerful.

... And for the first time in a long time... my prayers are not for myself...

I wish I had the talent to love myself like I secretly love others.
I hope that one day I wont have to be so secret. So closed off to those that deserve to know me.

The real me.

I am creating her day by day. Moment by moment.
And still the 11 year old me is ashamed.
Still my heart is guarded by electric barbed wire.
I keep my inner most wants and thoughts and fears in it, still.

I should ask myself the same questions I ask the man that I consider my father...
"Do you not think you deserve to be happy?"
"Exactly what is it going to take?"

Excuse number 1- Sadness and loneliness just runs through my DNA
Excuse number 2- If God didn't want me this way he wouldn't have created me this way
Excuse number 3- I only want to rely on myself.

... this wall is crumbling and the electric just went out. And I'm pretty sure those are chain cutters on the floor there...

AK©